"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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