oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
