he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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