If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
