never play flip cup with pint glasses
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
