Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
