If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
