Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
