do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
