you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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