Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
