the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
