I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
How does it feel to date your dad?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
