So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i now understand why vodka
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
