Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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