Someone shit on the floor
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
