rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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