I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
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