I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
