He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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