You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
