Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
