Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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