he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
whose parrot is this?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
