Who wears a wallet chain?!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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