If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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