How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
