Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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