you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
