Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
