As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
