she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
