I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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