Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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