Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My life is pants optional.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
