I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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