I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
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someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
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Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.