I hope mine doesn't look like that
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She made me pour olive oil on her.