just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today