u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.