she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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