Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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