oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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