The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Found your dick twin last night
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
