Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
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I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
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Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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