Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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