It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
