I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
