Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
