I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
