his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
