apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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