So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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