awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
