Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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