I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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