so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
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My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
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I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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