first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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