Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
